As promised, here is a (very long) text post about my thoughts from my trip to Germany now that I’m home and have had time to process some of it. Hope you enjoy :)
I am convinced of the
very magic of it all; moments that felt so filled with awe, and joy that to think of them makes my heart full.
I feel so incredibly and wondrously happy,
content to the very bones to have made my way to this beautiful country and to
two wonderful cities; what a miracle it
is to have found such places, to have experienced them and to have found
hilarity and joy and weirdness and spark in their exploration.
What put everything
else to shame though, by far, was Sam. Getting to see Sam was an incredible
dream. Now I know with 100% certainty that I would travel the world twice over
just to be with them again. I would follow Sam to anywhere in the universe with
only mild complaining. I was already figuring out a way back to Germany again
the moment I was on my first plane back home. God hugging Sam was amazing; just being in each other’s company was
spectacular even if we were just colouring next to each other. I didn’t realize
there would be so much comfort and ease between the two of us, since we haven’t
spent a lot of time together in person (which SUCKS). It was a dream, it was
magic, it was bliss to be able to spend time with them.
I’m this weird mixture
of happy and sad and also a bit scared. I’m scared I’m going to forget all of
the details of this trip. I know I’ll eventually forget the small things but I’m
worried I’ll forget the big things too. I’m scared I’ll forget how I felt, or
Sam’s laugh, or the adventures I had in Berlin. I don’t want to forget any of
those things; they are filled with such light that I don’t want to lose them
from memory. Maybe the key to it is stubbornness. If I am stubborn about
keeping the memories, perhaps they will stay with me. I’m not sure.
My happiness is also
mingled with pride. I’m so happy and proud of myself for booking this trip and
for going on it and for coming out the other side all in one piece! I have much
more confidence in myself now :) I have no doubt that I could travel on my own
again, and it makes me eager for more future adventures!!
Don’t ask me how I’m fitting all of these emotions together, I have no idea; they seem to be sitting side by or side, or all blobbed together, or taking turns. All I know is that I am all of them, and that it’s going to take me awhile to get used to being in Ottawa without one of my best friends again. Until then, I will be listening to the playlist I made for my trip there on repeat. Thanks for being awesome Germany :) xx
